Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
the day after is always just damage control
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm passing your future prison.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
