Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
