I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
