yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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