Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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