i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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