the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
