Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
