Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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