pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
