is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
