i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
