Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
