I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
