I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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