Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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