dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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