We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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