I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
