No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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