Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Come see our sink grown plant.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize