You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
