Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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