I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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