i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
