According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
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