They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
