hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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