ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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