she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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