is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
