you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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