Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
