So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
