she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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