i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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