thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
