youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
