all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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