you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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