Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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