Got a toothbrush?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
