sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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