i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
