people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
