he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
