either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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