i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
