better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
