Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
