I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
