WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
