He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
