I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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