Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
