I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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