Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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