My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
