Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
