Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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