Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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