Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize