oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
