So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
