Already got asked if we're dating
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
