I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
