Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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