apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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