Cold hands, warm shart.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
