I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
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