Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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