i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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