you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
