haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
