You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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