my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
