Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
