gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
