We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
