Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
