I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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