When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
