Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
