I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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