just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
