Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize