i think my tv is drunk
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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