well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
