I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
