He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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