you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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