her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
