I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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