You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
