At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
