I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
MIDGETS
????
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
