i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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