i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
