We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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