So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
