i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
