Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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