Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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