after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
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