at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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