my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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